Strength In Depth 2016
The Gospel According to Mark Williams
QUALIFIERS
After 3 months of qualifying WODs against 80 other boxes in Europe, Team Napalm made the cut, finishing in joint 26th and joining only 3 other boxes out of 40 in making their debut at the biggest team comp in Europe.
With around 15 athletes all contributing scores to get the team to the final, it was a tough job picking the 12 who would go, but we made a call and went with it. To be honest, there were several combinations that would have worked, but the decision was made and Team Napalm, led by the devastatingly handsome Mark Williams, packed up their shit and headed off to Bath. I say “led”, but Mark and Kie got stuck in a sat-nav-time-loop at a diversion on the M5 and arrived just before 1am on game day.
WOD 1 A/B
“Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!”
WOD 1A and B involved all 12 team members, in sub-team of males and females, some spending 5 minutes hitting 1RM hang snatches, some 1RM deadlifts, and each sub-team getting 5 minutes on a rower to hit max cals.
The big lads - Kie, Joe and Scott - spent 5 minutes trying their best to break the rower (presumably so that I wouldn't have to have my go) while the girls went for the hang snatches, and then it was time for Mark, Eddie, Carl and Josh to take a shot at the barbell.
With all 4 putting in a solid showing and hitting the numbers they were shooting for, with a minute left, Eddie stepped forward to take a crack at the 90kg hang snatch.
The music was cranked up, the crowd was electric, and the scene was set for Eddie to show the world what the men of Napalm were made of!
With a deep breath, he dug his hook grip into the wildly-overpriced Klokov bar and stood up into the hang. Lazer focus in his eyes. Adrenaline in his veins. Another deep breath, and he dipped to the low hang and pulled.
Sort of.
With the bar at a little over shoulder height, but atleast a foot in front of him, Eddie could see that recovery was impossible.
Our hero was ready to give up.
But suddenly, Eddie remembered a motivational instagram post he’d seen not so long ago that proclaimed “IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING”!!!
Eddie knew - as do we all - that if it’s on a motivational instapost, it’s basically science.
With the grim determination of a man who’s woman is watching, Eddie chased the bar to the end of the platform. And beyond.
The giggles of his ever supporting team-mates stopped when the judge informed us that all of our scores were zeroed out and we had 50 seconds to move some weight!
Mark - brave and fearless leader of Team Napalm - stepped forward quickly. His long golden locks blowing in the breeze, his steely blue eyes locked on the clock, he grabbed the bar and hoisted it over his 6’4” frame, letting out a blood curdling roar while men everywhere cowered and every woman in the room became instantly pregnant.
Quick thinking from the rest of the team had the bar stripped to a guaranteed weight, and Eddie and Carl made quick work of hitting lifts to get some sort of score on the board. Josh, with 5 seconds left, decided THIS was the time to show the CrossFit community how to backflip while
holding onto a barbell… without holding onto a barbell.
As the boys sheepishly moved onto the rower, the girls rocked the deadlifts. A particular point of note was Claire having what can only be described as angry sex with the barbell as she tried desperately to lock out what became her new PR! Other great lifts from the girls followed, and then it was time for the strong men of Napalm to do their thing.
Joe and Scott hit awesome 250kg deadlifts, with Kie on a creditable 240kg. With time for 3 attempts left, Kie decided to use the entire time for 1 looong-ass attempt. He pulled it quickly to just above his knees and then stopped.
For.
Literally.
Ever.
Later that evening, we were looking at photo’s of the event and only realised Kie’s was actually a video clip when people in the background started looking at their watches and looking embarrassed. It was like one of those photographs from a Harry Potter movie.
With great lifts all round, but a lot of kilos wiped off (as a penalty for Eddie trying to run off with the Klokov Competition plates) Napalm finished in 39th out of 40 after 1A and B.
“Nevermind", we told Eddie, “atleast we have the swim coming up in event 3 for you to make up for it…” (to be continued)