WOD 3
SWIM WOD
Pair 1 - 10 synchro down-ups, 100m swim
Pair 2 - 10 synchro down-ups, 100m swim
Pair 3 - 10 synchro down-ups, 100m swim
Pair 1 - 10 synchro down-ups, 100m swim
Pair 2 - 10 synchro down-ups, 100m swim
Pair 1 - 10 synchro down-ups, 100m swim
Our herculean efforts in the Spartan Run had lifted us from 39th to 37th with a 22nd place finish. Now all eyes turned eagerly from Josh's man-gina to the swimming pool.
The mad scramble to not be in Pair 1 (who had to swim 3 times!) was resolved weeks ago when Eddie and Scott both revealed a background in competitive swimming.
With Pair 1 decided and Joe a lock for Pair 2 - having been swimming weekly for the past few months - a call had to be made on who was to partner him, who would be left for Pair 3 and who got to do actual CrossFit in WOD 4.
With Kieron , Carl and Josh threatening to drown themselves in protest if selected, my tantrums were largely ignored and I was teamed up with Joe, as Hayley and Jodie made up Pair 3.
As we piled into the changing rooms Scott pulled out a load of pink swimming caps he had in his bag. When we asked if this was in response to SID’s request that teams make a gesture of support for a CF Tonbridge member who was recovering from breast cancer, Scott blinked a few times and said “er…. yeah!”
With Scott and I both having pin-heads, one of us had to wear the junior swim-cap… which looked like a gay fish, complete with huge eyes and a floppy pink dorsal fin. Knowing that Scott, with his pasty white complexion, lack of muscle tone and pizza-paunch would feel self conscious enough in the pool, I did what any friend would do and pushed my head as hard as I could deep into the gay fish.
Squeezed into knee length speedos, a matching skin-tight rash vest and wearing a bulging pink swim cap I looked like a split black condom. And like a split condom, I was ready to ruin somebodies day.
While waiting for the race to begin, Hayley managed to snap her goggles, essentially leaving her both blind and deaf. (It’s a good thing she learnt Braille all those years ago, isn't it Emma?). This wasn’t ideal prep, but earlier this year in the Para-Olympics I saw a Chinese man with no arms swim 100m faster than I can waddle 100m, so I had every faith that our own Special Olympian would do just fine.
As the race began, Eddie and Scott steadily worked through their synchro-down-ups and made their way to the waters edge.
This was easier said than done because some genius - probably one of those Spartan Race bastards who had decided they hadn’t quite finished with us yet - had put down some mega-slippery yoga mats along the side of the pool. Having safely negotiated this hazard, the lads set a great pace and handed over to Joe and I more or less in the lead.
The first round went well enough and we handed over to the girls still in the lead. There was a brief panic from my end when we had to pull ourselves out of the pool and the side-wall was a lot taller than a regular pool! But, supremely confident following my complete and utter epic mastery of the wall obstacles in the Spartan Run, I pulled myself out and over the side for Jodie and Hayley to begin their down-ups while we waited for Joe who I had completely left for dead… almost a full second behind me.
The girls held our lead with a great swim - Hayley not even needing the bell on a stick I had procured to guide her in the right direction, and Jodie looking smug that she’d smuggled a pair of inflatable aids past the judges.
Eddie and Scott had clearly recovered well from their first 100m as they were almost as fast in round 2 - which pissed me off no end as my legs were pumped as shit and threatening to further split the giant condom I was wearing.
Still in the lead, Joe and I did our down-ups, ready to throw one last effort at the day. As I stood at the edge of the pool ready to dive in, I saw Joe slip on the yoga mat out of the corner of my eye and shout “Gaaaah!” like a seagull colliding with a plane.
I giggled to myself and leapt, like a sexy, musclebound salmon (wearing a gay fish on its head) towards the water. I was still giggling when I hit the water, which resulted in about 3 pints of water immediately making it’s way down my throat. My strong, assured strokes of the first leg turned into a panicked doggy-paddle while I cleared my throat and saw that Joe was safely in the pool and to my left, but slightly behind.
With my legs screaming, my lungs straining, and the floppy pink dorsal fin on my head slapping me left and right, I knew I had to focus on something else to get me to the end. I decided to concentrate on splashing water directly into Joe’s face whenever he came up for air and found this entertaining enough that before I knew it we were at the wall and ready to turn for the final 50m.
About halfway through the last length, Joe turned on the burners.
Whether this was for the good of the team or because he wasn’t finding my splashing game as much fun as I was, I’m not sure. As he passed me I fought the urge to try and chase him down - not because he is a team mate and it wouldn’t make any difference to our time (the next team starts their down-ups as soon as the first person is back) - but because that climb to get back out of the pool was big and I didn’t want to be that guy that struggles to get out of the pool while loads of people are watching. That would be horrendous.
Now safely out of the water, Eddie and Scott were nearly finished their down-ups and ready for one last blast while Joe and I enjoyed a wet, lingering, groin-to-groin hug. I counted atleast 4 missisippi’s
THIS - at last - was Eddie’s moment.
After an error in WOD 1 cost our team points, and a fairly spectacular but undignified trip over absolutely nothing in the middle of the Spartan Run in WOD 2, the swimming workout was where he would shine.
As Scott led out, both Napalm men were swimming as hard as they could and we were still in the lead. The energy poolside was electric and we were staring a heat win in the face only a few short hours after a crushing defeat. We cheered them on as Scott pulled himself out of the pool, with Eddie just a few seconds behind - and still in the lead! The villain was destined to become the hero!
The event isn’t over until both swimmers were out so we shouted at Eddie as he approached the wall to remind him to get straight out.
Understandably, as the only master in the comp to do 3 x 100m legs, he was a bit fatigued, and couldn’t quite do it at the first attempt - but no matter! We were still in the lead and Eddie had time for another attempt to win the day. By now, we were all screaming, willing him to hoist himself out of the pool but now another failed attempt meant our immediate competition was also at the wall and preparing to get out!
One. More. Effort! We screamed and encouraged, threatened and insulted, pleaded and urged… none of it worked. Gravity was winning the day.
As the other teams lad pulled himself out and stood triumphantly with the heat win, I began wheeling over the mechanical Hoist they use for hydrotherapy patients.
No doubt spurred on by the threat of being hoisted from the pool like a dead performing killer whale, Eddie found the reserves of strength to drag himself out and secure second place in the heat and an amazing 10th place overall, beating the likes of CrossFit Bath, The Reebok Demo Team, and a few other finalists!
Mega pleased with our performance and result - but still taking the piss out of Eddie - we headed away to towel off and support our comrades in the last event of the day…